“I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth.” 3 John 1:4
I’m participating in a Bible Study on confidence. The book seems to have been written specifically for me, but the all the ladies in my group feel the same way. How could they feel any lack of confidence? They are all prettier, smarter, thinner, or more educated than I am. Each one seems to be a better mom. The truth is many people struggle with a lack of confidence.
How early in life do our perceptions, attitudes, and circumstances begin to affect our confidence? We know our attitudes and behaviors start to be shaped when we are small children. As kids we let the words and actions of others have a deep, lasting impact on how we value ourselves. Circumstances can have a disastrous effect on us and we believe many lies. Adults often live with leftover negative emotions from their childhoods. Sometimes these feelings of inadequacy penetrate our adult thinking and have a negative effect our confidence. I know these incorrect thoughts have caused me to lose confidence.
I don’t want this to happen to my children.
My daughter, Elianna, just turned 10. She’s been doing gymnastics and cheerleading for years. I’ve watched her confidence shattered by the words and actions of certain coaches and even other parents. Several years ago she came to believe she couldn’t do a back handspring. Elianna was little. The right choice at the time was to change coaches. Now she can do several back handsprings in a row. She got her confidence.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Now that confidence teeters because she’s struggling with another stunt – being a cheer flyer. Although her confidence is wavering, this time the process is different. Her coach is encouraging her, helping her with every step of the process. She sets smaller goals to help my daughter gain confidence. My husband and I also encourage her, and we let Elianna know what we expect from her. Our standards are high, but not so high she can’t reach them.
That’s how it is with God. He encourages us and prepares the way for us. If we put our trust in Him, our confidence will soar and we will be able to accomplish the tasks he has set before us. Proverbs 3:26 tells us, “For the Lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared.” And Isaiah 41:10 states, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Those verses are more than verses for cheer leaders who want to perform stunts; they are promises from God for all of us.
I pray for my daughter (and son) to have the confidence of God, not just for sports, but to have the confidence to accomplish all that the Lord sets before them. It’s a big prayer, but it’s what God wants for all of us. He’s all we need to accomplish His will for our lives.
“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:5
Our kids are going to face many challenges and dilemmas as they grow. We are forced to work with people who want to bully us, or try to shatter our confidence in other ways. Sometimes people will withhold love if we don’t behave a certain way. We need to teach our kids to believe in themselves and have the confidence to stand up to people who are less than nice. That confidence comes from our Lord. Are we modeling that truth for our children?
“I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
We must learn to replace falsehoods with God’s truth. But we need to do more than use these tools for ourselves. We need to pass these tools to our children so they will grow up to be confident, godly men and women. The Bible gives us a lot of information about our identity in Christ. Let God’s perspective fill you, and your children.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)
We are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). As we let go of the falsehoods others have said, or circumstances that shatter our confidence, we must teach our children the same truth. As you talk to God about changing your thinking, ask Him to help your children develop correct thinking and confidence in Him. The Message paraphrase of Romans 12:2 urges us to reject the flawed thinking of our culture and those who surround us: “Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You will be changed from the inside out.”
We must teach the confidence God gives us, and His sufficiency early in life, but how do we do that? I think the answer is simple, but hard to do. We have to let go of our strong wills and turn ourselves over to God. We have to ask Him to increase our faith, so we aren’t tempted to try to solve problems in our own strength. Then we need to pass that truth onto our children. We also need to learn to forgive ourselves, and those who have hurt us. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse someone else’s behavior; it merely prevents their behavior from destroying our confidence.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
May you and your children feel and believe the full measure of the confidence our Lord desires you have.
Photo: Gerry Garro
Bible Study: A Confident Heart by Renee Swope